Have you ever seen someone so tormented by his life? I have watched all the seasons of the Sopranos recently and find myself in awe of the spiritual/emotional depth of the writing and the acting. Each character is caught up in his/her own drama, twisted by the lives they are lost in it. What is there to attain when you have paid every price, sacrificed every relationship, seen every interaction as an opportunity for a power grab? I really hate to watch violence, but I can't tear myself away from this show. Of course, that violence is within all of us; its just the level of violence that we disassociate from. Tony wants to cut himself off from his feelings but he can't. This denial results in panic attacks, nightmares, the destruction of every relationship that means anything to him, and finally, a suicidal child. His pain hits so close to home because he tries so valiantly to remove himself emotionally from his own self-destructiveness. The more he tries to push it away, the more the world he has created closes in on him. He has been able, through toughness and charisma, to attain power and wealth, but he can't escape his basic feelings of kindness, gentleness, and love for people. So his actions go against what he really is. The deterioration of the soul by the ego, episode after episode. Why does Tony Soprano's pain touch me so deeply? The level of violence that this very sympathetic character is capable of....that same violence is in me. I could not take that anger, that overwhelming feeling of isolation, to the level of violence that he creates, but is that true? In his situation, what would I do? I know that I am capable of some very hateful thoughts, very venomous feelings against the people I love (?) the most. How are we so different? Only a difference in levels. Really no difference.
Lesson 12 - I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
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